The second book in the Uncommon Sense Books series is still in the process of being written by B. Piechocinska. It’s current working title is: “Integrate Judgment: Finding Unconditional Love, A Guide for the Logically Minded”.
Introduction to Integrate Judgment
You know those moments when you get upset? It can be about anything. It can be the annoyingly nosy neighbor, the stingy and opinionated mother in law, the conceited guy in the gym, the partner clipping his or her toenails in bed, the pile of dirty dishes that somehow magically appears in the sink, or maybe the idiot who just cut you off in traffic.
Imagine if there was a way to handle all of those situations so that instead of feeling anger, frustration, rage, disappointment, betray or any other choiced emotion from the fine array of negative emotions you could genuinely feel an internal smile, love, connection, and a drive towards inspiration build up from the very beginning.
Is it possible? Without lying to yourself? I say: “It is.” And if you are willing to give it a try, then this book might just be of some value to you.
The basis of our upset comes from our judgment and our distancing, or inability to accept the moment as it is. When we see something we dislike, we have an opinion about it, we judge it, and we immediately wish for it to be different. The result is usually internal violence. We become upset, frustrated, and angry. These feelings may, as you may have had the infortune to observe, further lead to physical action.
Some of us see the value in it and believe it to be the natural and most efficient way of functioning. When we are upset, we have an impetus to change the undesirable situation. The negative build up of emotions makes us spring into action. And so we not only are able to change all the bad things we see, we often even feel better for feeling bad. We may profess that there is such a thing as righteous indignation. When we see something wrong, we feel good and right in feeling anger and we believe that this anger is likely to make the other person change their ways from wrong to right.
Although reacting with negative emotions may lead us to take action that on some level may indeed render external circumstances to appear more favorable, from a certain viewpoint, is it the most happy and efficient way of life?
Certainly, it does not appear to be the happiest way of life, as it involves us feeling all sorts of negative emotions. As for efficiency, we all know that violence leads to more violence. If ones internal dismay is transmuted into harsh words or actions, these actions will usually only have the hope of leading to short term benefits. If you see that someone is acting in a racist way and you become upset, you might harshly tell the offender to stop his or her racist manner. The person may indeed stop. But it is not likely that you have cured the person of being a racist. They may be afraid of showing you that behavior but that fear will instead turn up in other areas. It is for instance common that men who beat their wives will beat them more and more severely if others tell them off during their day. If say, the boss criticizes the man harshly at work, the man might not feel that he can take it out on the boss. The boss believes that the situation is solved. The wife at home, however, will experience the wrath it has engendered inside of the man. Thus we see that acting with violence, is not likely to permanently solve the situation.
Even trying to act in a reasonable, not harsh manner, when one feels indignation, is rather difficult without leaking out some of the negativity.
So, what is one to do?
The idea explored in this book is to cultivate a heart and mind that do not automatically respond with negative emotions.
As already identified, part of the basis of our negative emotions comes from judgment. Judgment is a form of separation. Its dualistic quality tends to divide an action into one of two categories, the preferred, and the other. We may view something as good or bad, correct or incorrect, legal or illegal, right or wrong.
The judgment may be subtler. The scale may be richer than just good and bad. You may have more options on it, such as the somewhat good, the very good, the exceptional, etc. But the basis of it is dualistic separation.
When this dualistic separation occurs we obtain the ability to experience something other than unity. In the separation we will seek to associate ourselves with the preferred part of the judgment and we will tend to violently oppose what we see as the bad part. Of course, any psychologist will tell you that the parts you are the most violently opposing in the world of external events, are the parts that represent or remind you of the parts you are the most unwilling to accept inside of you. Thus working with that, which you find you have the greatest judgment against, is an efficient way of working on embracing and loving all of you. Let me say it again in other words: Your judgments may become your most valued tools on your path toward living in a state of love. This is why we will look quite a bit at what is called judgment integration.
Another related part of our upset originates in our inability to accept what is, our inability to fully be in the present moment with what is. Instead we build resistance to the present and mentally jump into all sorts of other actions. We may jump into trying to assign blame, into declarations of the undesirability of the present, or into what should have been. “Well she did it first. I cannot believe this is happening. This is really terrible. This should have never happened.” By learning to accept what is, we take away the power of the event and actually allow for it to change. In the last book, “Choose Joy”, we left off with the idea of wanting to move some other person by walking up to her and pushing her in our preferred direction. The response of the person is likely to be resistance. And we will have an exhausting pushing match on our hands. An alternative would be to give a loving smile and gently take the person’s hand and kindly ask them to come with us. This scenario will have a higher rate of success and be more pleasant. And so, this is what we will be looking at. We shall try to see how to do this in our day-to-day lives, when undesirable things occur.
If we can end the violence inside of us, it will be difficult to keep it up on the outside. Choosing to work on oneself in this manner is part of a profound peace movement. It is profound because, perhaps even from experience you will recognize that you may have difficulty persuading others to abstain from violence, but if anyone, you are the one who can work on your self. For anyone interested in the peace movement, the reigning and reiterated suggestion is: First learn to solve the violence inside of you, and then see how you can help others. And so, honoring the wisdom in those words we dedicate the rest of this book to ways indicating how one may work with oneself on the matter.
Minimizing the internal violence, in terms of hostile feelings such as upset, anger, rage, is not about suppressing or denying them. It is about cultivating a state of heart and mind where they do not naturally arise.
For greatest benefit it is suggested that you read one chapter at a time, pause to give it some thought, see how you can apply it to your life, and do the exercises. Once you feel you have managed to use it in your life, move onto the next chapter. Hopefully this will allow you to experience more joy and freedom from the hostile takeovers of painful emotions.